


and i'll be waiting for you (until we meet again)

by thegoddamnhat



Series: everything has changed [1]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hopeful Ending, Longing, Love Confessions, M/M, Nightmares, Trauma, i was just drowning in my leopika feels okay, pls don't make them sad togashi, set between yorknew and chairman election i think, they miss each other, they're both sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24647527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegoddamnhat/pseuds/thegoddamnhat
Summary: "Why?" Kurapika says, voice shaking. "Why do you care so much? Why do you sound so pained?"There's a silence on Leorio's end for so long that Kurapika wonders whether he's hung up. He pulls the phone away from his ear, ready to pressEnd Call, but before he does, Leorio speaks."Because I'm in love with you."
Relationships: Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Series: everything has changed [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2102907
Comments: 28
Kudos: 208





	and i'll be waiting for you (until we meet again)

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is my first work in the hunter x hunter fandom and _of course_ it's leopika. i love these two idiots so damn much. there really isn't enough fic for them, seriously. so i decided to try my best and join in! please be kind to me skjasdkjdkjd

It's not the first time it's happened. It's far from the first.

But it's still so horrifying.

He can still see the details of his burning hometown even after he practically rolls out of bed and onto the floor in shock. It's like it's etched into his eyes; that scorching, raging fire.

And their bodies. Emaciated, with the bones standing out against the skin, the heat from the flames removing all their moisture. 

Their eye sockets, empty and hollow.

What was the last thing he said to his mother? To his father? To Pairo? Even after six whole years of scouring his memory, he still _can't remember._

He's shuddering, and he can't help but cry, tears sliding down his cheeks. His heart is thumping in his chest like it wants to burst out, and he wonders what it would sound like to Melody.

They said time eased the pain. But to Kurapika, it just seemed to make it worse.

With a trembling hand, he tries to reach his phone on the bedside table, taking in deep breaths to steady himself. Through his eyesight blurred with tears and a sting from their turning scarlet, he finds Leorio's number and clicks on it.

_Please,_ please _don't pick up._

He doesn't even know what the point of it is. Why's he looking for comfort from Leorio when all he's done for half a year is ignore his calls? He is _such_ a piece of shit.

"K...Kurapika?"

Of course, _of course,_ he picks up. Because he's Leorio Paladiknight. The kindest and most caring person he has ever known, or will ever know.

"Leorio." He's aware that his voice is hoarse, and knows that his sniffling is extraordinarily loud.

"I...it's 3:30 a.m. What's up?" Leorio sounds like he's restraining himself from asking more questions (or possibly even badmouthing him), and Kurapika is grateful.

"T...Talk to me."

"What?"

"Tell me anything. How's med school? Are you talking to Gon and Killua? How's Nen training going? Anything."

"O...Okay." There's a noise on the other end, like he's clearing his throat in preparation. He then bursts into speech.

"Med school is _hard._ The exam...I somehow managed to clear it, but school is on a whole different level. Pop quizzes are the _worst,_ and we have to submit assignments, like, every two days. I've been surviving on coffee for a year now. My anatomy professor is actually _evil._ She literally gave us _3_ essays and just 2 days to complete them! What pleasure does she get from torturing sleep-deprived young adults? I wish I knew. I _hate_ that bitch."

"Leorio, language."

Leorio laughs slightly at that, and Kurapika feels something warm settling in his chest at the sound. The fire he can see has been reduced to small embers, and one by one the bodies are disappearing from view. 

"Since when have you chided me on my language, Kurapika?"

"Since right now." Kurapika's concentrating on the sound of Leorio's voice, and slowly returning back to his normal self.

"Okay, whatever you say. Gon and Killua...I'm not sure. They met Gon's dad's friend, Kite, and are with him now, I'm guessing. They haven't been in touch lately. All that hard work to clear the game turned out to be for nothing. You know, if I ever meet his father, I'm going to punch him. I don't get why Gon tolerates his bullshit."

" _Leorio._ "

"C'mon, Kurapika. The guy's a shitty parent. You've gotta admit that."

"I do agree, but maybe that's why Gon is who he is. That's why he's always so determined, and wanting to move ahead. If his father hadn't left him behind, he might not have been any of those things."

"Hmmm, maybe but...I still think he's an asshole. Why have a kid if you aren't even going to provide him with basic care? I'm working on my Nen now - I'll able to beat the shit out of him whenever he shows his stupid face to Gon."

Leorio's voice is so familiar - full of that hostility he'd shown towards Tonpa, and brimming with immense affection for Gon. It's so _warm,_ and Kurapika can barely remember his nightmare anymore. It's not imprinted in his mind - he thinks it's faded away.

Leorio's so important to him. He's a dear comrade.

_No._

He's a dear _friend._

Which is why Kurapika needs to stay away from him.

"I...I need to go."

_"No."_ Leorio almost screams into the phone, and the calm composure he'd been maintaining throughout their call is shattering.

"No. No. Please, no. I finally have you calling me back and I've barely even heard you speak. Where the hell _are_ you?"

"I...I can't tell you that."

There's a noise on the other end, and it sounds like Leorio's slammed his fist into the wall in frustration.

"Kurapika, do you know what it's like for me? I have classes everyday and continuous assignments. I also have to practice my Nen regularly. I'm fucking tired. And when you never answer my calls...it makes it a hundred times worse. I can never know whether you're dead or lying in a gutter somewhere -"

"I wouldn't be." Kurapika hates it, hates how desperate Leorio sounds, and hates that he's making him worry. 

"Don't be so fucking sure of yourself. We had to help you in Yorknew, remember? And at Heavens Arena - you nearly lost your Nen. If we hadn't been there, you might have died. You're not invincible, Kurapika. You need to get that in your head."

"Maybe so, but -"

"But _what?_ Why won't you ever answer my calls? Are you trying to...I don't know, _protect_ me, or something?"

_Yes,_ Kurapika thinks, _I can't have you hurt. I can't live while someone else perishes because of me, yet again._

Almost as if he's heard Kurapika's thoughts, Leorio says, "I don't _need_ to be protected, Kurapika. I can take care of myself. It wouldn't be _your fault_ if Gon or Killua or I got hurt. We do things because we want to. I'm a Hunter, for goodness' sake; why don't you understand that?"

"Leorio..." Kurapika feels a pressure building behind his eyes, and he's fighting back tears yet again.

Leorio seems to be doing the same; he can hear him blowing his nose and speaking hoarsely. 

"And it _sucks,_ because you're always on my mind. Whenever I'm writing a paper for school, somewhere, in the back of my head, I'm thinking, 'Where the hell _is_ he?'. I have dreams about you ending up the way Pietro did, and me not doing being able to do anything. I can't sleep a lot of nights. I'm just always wondering if you've got yourself killed. It _hurts."_

Leorio's speaking with such raw and obvious anguish, and Kurapika is hating himself a little more every second.

"Why?" Kurapika says, voice shaking. "Why do you care so much? Why do you sound so pained?" 

There's a silence on Leorio's end for so long that Kurapika wonders whether he's hung up. He pulls the phone away from his ear, ready to press _End Call,_ but before he does, Leorio speaks.

"Because I'm in love with you."

Kurapika's breath catches in his throat, and his heart quite literally stops for a beat. His throat is clogged up, and he _can't take in air._

_What?_

"Because I'm foolishly, completely and helplessly in love with you, Kurapika. I've been wanting to say that for a while, but you never gave me a chance to. So there it is. That stupid friend of yours, the one who keeps calling you even when you don't want to talk...he's in love with you. How do you like that?"

_I'm in love with you,_ Leorio had said.

What does 'love' entail? Being in love with someone; what does it mean? He's never given it much thought.

He remembers Melody once saying something about love. About someone she'd been in love with, once.

_'Love is...giving yourself to someone. Showing them_ you, _with all your faults and weaknesses. And you don't run away. They don't run away either. It's wanting to stay with someone even after you know the darkness of their soul. It's being happy around them, or at least feeling_ safer. _They become like home to you.'_

Leorio knows the darkness of Kurapika's soul. He knows all his faults and weaknesses. Even so, he still comes back to Kurapika, unfailingly. He hasn't run away.

Leorio really must be in love with him.

And those things...they apply to Kurapika too. Being around Leorio fills him a warmth he doesn't really remember feeling before in his life. Whenever Leorio puts his hand on Kurapika's shoulder, or smiles at him...he feels _light._ Relieved. He'd say he even feels... _safe,_ at times. 

With Leorio, he feels like he's back in Lukso; surrounded by people who were dear to him.

He feels like he's at home.

He's probably in love with Leorio too, then.

"Okay, I'm sorry I dropped that on you like that. I...I know you're hurting right now, and I don't think you need to add me being in love with you to your list of problems. I just...I miss you, Kurapika. I miss you so much. Please, the next time we meet, don't let this get between our friendship. You're still a dear friend to me. I don't want to lose that. I'll...hang up now. You need to go, right? Okay, bye-"

"Melody once told me that love is like a sense of belonging, of comfort, of familiarity. She said...she said it's like being at home. With you, Leorio, I feel that. I feel that more than when I'm with anyone else. You're the only one who can make me feel like I'm safe. When I was on the brink of losing my Nen forever, and you called my name in the dark, asking me not to give in and kick the bucket, holding my hands in your own...I felt warm. I hadn't felt like that in ages, Leorio. I like being around you so, so much. I don't really know much about it but...it seems like I might be in love with you, too." 

On the other end, Leorio lets out a shaky breath. "You really mean that? You're not saying that just to...make me feel better, I guess?"

"I don't say things to make people feel better, Leorio. You know that more than most people."

Leorio snorts a little at that, and says, "You really _do_ suck at comforting people. Especially me."

"That's because my desire to tell the truth overrides everything else, normally."

"That it does."

There's another silence, but it's less scary and more...natural. He can hear Leorio's breathing through the phone; he could listen to it forever, if given the opportunity. Those proper, deep inhalations and rhythmic exhalations...they're calming. Much like Leorio himself. 

"You know, I'm waiting for your 'but'." Leorio says, not sadly, but more like he's just resigned to it.

"Leorio..."

"It's okay. I know that things won't work out for us like for any other normal people. I'm not _that_ stupid."

_He really isn't stupid at all._

"Leorio, I return your feelings. You are precious to me. But...I can't do anything about them now. I have to -"

"Find the eyes of your people. And defeat the Spiders."

"Yes. I _need_ to do that. I don't think I can rest until I've finally given my clan the proper burial they deserve. I have to ease their souls so that they can peacefully pass on to the next life."

"I know."

There's a note of melancholy in Leorio's voice, and Kurapika wishes he could do something to get rid of it.

He knows he can't, though.

"But once all of this is done...though I can't promise when that will be. It could be a year from now. 2 years. 5 years. A decade. I can't be sure. But when it is, and if you still feel the same...I'll come and find you. And...we can give it a try. That's a promise. All I ask is that you wait."

"I've been waiting for 6 months to get back a phone call from you. I've become pretty good at waiting, Kurapika. I think I might be able to wait a little longer."

"I'm sorry."

"You know, if you really were sorry, you'd actually pick up your phone."

"I can't say that I'll always pick it up. But I'll try to answer your calls more often."

"I guess that's the best I can expect. Give me your email address."

"No, I can't."

"Kurapika -"

"I'm truly sorry, but I cannot. I promise I won't do anything ridiculously reckless. I've learned from what happened in Yorknew. I'm not going to put anyone else in danger."

"You'll still put yourself in the line of fire, though."

"Leorio, if we keep talking about this, we're going to be up all morning."

"I _know,_ but I keep worrying."

"I know I can't stop you from worrying, but...have some faith in me. I won't die. Just believe in me."

Leorio's quiet for some time. Kurapika can still hear his breathing, though, so he knows he hasn't hung up. Kurapika looks at the chains on his right hand and thinks about a day in the future where their jangling won't haunt him in his sleep.

He thinks Leorio'll be a huge part of that future.

"Okay," Leorio says, his voice barely audible, "Okay. I believe in you."

"Thank you. I...I love you." Kurapika says, slightly hesitant, because he's never said those words to anyone before. Saying them to Leorio, however, feels right.

"W... _what? Goddamnit,_ Kurapika, you can't just say stuff like that." Leorio splutters, and Kurapika can imagine the exact look on his face right now.

"I thought we'd already confessed our feelings towards each other."

"Yeah, but hearing those words come out of your mouth just feels so strange."

"I love you."

" _Kurapika._ Now you're just doing it to stress me out."

"But I love you, Leorio."

"You..."

"I'm saying it now because I don't think I'll be able to tell you that again anytime soon. Not for years, maybe." Kurapika says, hating how he's dampened the mood again, but knows it's necessary.

"...Yeah. I love you too, Kurapika. So much. So goddamn much. I love you."

"I love you, Leorio. Thank you for taking care of me."

"No worries. You...you need to go, right?"

"Yes."

"Okay, then. Until we meet again, or until you pick up the phone."

Another 'I love you' is on the tip of Kurapika's tongue, but he suppresses it. He won't be able to cut the call otherwise. 

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye, Kurapika."

There's a click, and Kurapika looks down at his phone. _Call disconnected,_ it says.

It's for the better, really. But Kurapika really had wanted to talk for longer.

He had wanted to listen to Leorio's warm, comforting voice for some more time. He knows what he did was right, though.

Leorio loves him. And he loves Leorio.

He can't bring himself to feel joy about it yet. But maybe someday...

Someday he'll find all the eyes. The Spiders will perish. And then...

And then he'll find Leorio. 

He'll find his way back home.

**Author's Note:**

> the incident in which kurapika nearly loses his nen at heavens arena which i referred to takes place in the second hxh movie - it's called "the last mission". please watch it if you haven't already!!
> 
> thank you for reading, and please leave a comment or kudos if you liked it!! i'd really, really appreciate it.
> 
> also feel free to follow me on [tumblr](https://thegoddamnhat.tumblr.com) for possibly more leopika content!


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